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Thousands Could Die at Marvel's Uncanny Avengers Press Conference

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, December 02 2013 and posted in News with Benefits

Thousands Could Die at Marvel's Uncanny Avengers Press Conference

The seemingly innocent press conference could be an elaborate death trap planned by a vengeful Rick Remender.

At 3PM this afternoon, fans and press will gather outside the Manhattan headquarters of Marvel Comics for a special conference... a press conference that could be their last! In the wake of several totally permanent and very meaningful character deaths in Uncanny Avengers #14, Marvel invited fans to Monday's event with the promise of "discussing the shocking events that took place and those yet to come with writer Rick Remender and editor Tom Brevoort!"

Well, that sounds nice. What could go wrong? For one thing, there's Remenders solemn vow that his critics should drown in hobo piss, a response to complaints about a speech he wrote for Uncanny Avengers leader Havok preaching assimilation for mutants. Remender displayed similar scorn when fans complained of a follow-up storyline in which the Scarlet Witch, in the course of acting as a proxy for Remender and delivering a five page lecture to fans who misconstrued his Havok speech, refers to her Romani ethnicity as "a religion," alluding to the mystical stereotypes of Gypsies.

Indeed, the scene on W. 5th street is ominously quiet, like a calm before the storm, as a large vat of warm, yellow liquid appears to be perched atop Marvel's building, waiting to rain golden death upon the attendees later this afternoon.



"I don't know what you're talking about," denied Marvel editor Tom Brevoort, sweating profusely as he stroked a fluffy white cat he carries with him everywhere he goes. "We just want to talk."

"We're not going to drown anyone here today," confirmed a sinister looking Remender, standing next to a comically large lever labeled Pull Lever to Drown Crowd in Hobo Piss.

"I mean, that would be ridiculous," Remender added, laughing nervously. "What, did I spend months stalking the railways, drugging and kidnapping hobos, bringing them back to my secret lair, inserting catheters, and force-feeding them liquid until I gathered enough of their urine to flood a New York City street if dropped from the top of a building, slaughtering the unsuspecting crowd gathered below? Come on."

If you want to witness the carnage live, sign up for Marvel's live blog. if you have business in Midtown Manhattan today, remember to wear your galoshes. And don't worry about The Outhouse. We never get invited to these things, even when they're thinly veiled mass murder plots.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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