Monday, January 21, 2019 • Morning Edition • "The Outhousers of Earth Ugh"

Durnkin Reveewz: Spider-Man #237

Written by Zechs on Wednesday, February 07 2018 and posted in Features

Durnkin Reveewz: Spider-Man #237

The cover lies! All this comic provides is me screaming madly in the air cursing the writer's name.

*To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer or several soft drinks mixed with Captain Morgan trying to comprehend the garbage you read.

Further, these reviews began on the forums. Those looking for a numerical system as per my other reviews best look else. Some folk above me love me blurting out raw brutally honest shit, and rather have that be on the front page.So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning. 

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There is no greater nightmare in the world for a comic book fan when your favorite character is written by Brian Michael Bendis. You're faced with two options. If Bendis actually likes the character we'll be driven into the mud of one particular story that he enjoyed. If he doesn't care for that character. Fuck is it going to be painful to read. Like nails on the chalkboard. Like reading an article on Bleeding Cool. Just nasty filthy stuff that'll make you scream curses until you're completely hoarse. 

That's the situation I am at with this issue. Oh, sure you have a lovely cover image from Patrick Brown that depicts Spider-Man (Miles) vs. the Hobgoblin (Kingsley), but is that what we get in this issue? Two characters who've tried to move away from the shadow of their predecessors. That by itself tells a fascinating story.

Instead, we're burdened with another chapter of Bendis using nineteen pages of nothing but dialogue of more family conflict (as if the previous issue didn't have that already). Then we have three pages of the Hobgoblin going on his own and getting owned by the Red Hulk.


This is what gets the more ire from me. I'm a Hobgoblin fan. I love the character. But this issue proves yet again how shitty Bendis is at character history. The motivation of "rep" and being an utter "joke" are qualities the early 90s Hobgoblin had. The Jason Macendale version. That was the entire point of his character. Instead, as revealed the last two issues this is supposed to be the Roderick Kingsley version. 

Oh sure, we have the outs of what can be easily remedied by, "IT'S A DUPE!" thanks to the other Spider-Man writer Dan Slott. Which just goes to showcase the era apparently Bendis read Spider-Man comics, the early 90s. Which means he values Howard Mackie more than Roger Stern. HOWARD MACKIE THAN ROGER STERN?! The hell Bendis?! What is wrong with you?! *suddenly remembers his favorite Spider-Man story is a Mackie one* FUUUUUCK!!! But still, at least I can cop to knowing stories outside of that. I know other tales besides the 90s. Bendis? I don't know if he can. 

Because everything shown the last few issues with the Sandman and Hobgoblin just seem beat by beat the same shit anyone read about the character in the 90s (the stories that we don't want to see repeated). 

But I digress this is Bendis. The man can't even keep up on his own written history. Why should he ever be bothered with this? Other than one final slight before he leaves Marvel to utterly destroy DC Comics (he's gonna do it. The DC counter will probably have to be renamed, "It Has Been ____ Days Since Bendis Did Something Stupid." No Editor can stop him. He breaks them like I break mine. Brick by brick, until they just don't care anymore. 

And here I am spending way more on three meager pages than the entire bulk of the issue. But I will say some positives. Being that this is a Bendis written-comic I am OVERJOYED with the fact that unlike his remaining comics that there are 0 appearances of the Hood in this.  But who am I kidding? There's still some time left, the Hood can show up and be the end boss to this series' finale. This is Bendis we're talking about. He'll find some way to shoehorn in the Hood like he did in the Defenders and Invincible Iron-Man. I bet somehow someway whenever he starts writing Batman, he'll introduce some guy in a Hood and write him exactly as the freaking Hood. 

Anyway, the actual positive is the family relationships here on display between Miles/his parents and Lana/with her mom. It shows the tiny bright spot even though it's extended way beyond it should be (because again Bendis). 

But the fact that's all we get this issue, and no real progress other than that. Everything is moving at a snail's pace, but then again given who's writing this comic. Should I be surprised at this point? That this is what he does? Write exactly at this sort of pace and drag things out way longer than they have any right to be?

Thankfully, I paid 0 dollars for this comic. Yet, somehow I still feel like I lost time in reading it for the hopes of a Miles/Kingsley slugfest instead getting family problems. Dammit comic! 


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About the Author - Zechs

Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Moment of the Week, and Durnkin Reveewz. He's also the official whuppin boy at the Outhouse. So he'll get stuck seeing stuff that no mere mortal should ever see. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. He's also brutally honest. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.


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