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Not Everyone Loves Thor: Ragnarok

Written by SuperginraiX on Thursday, November 02 2017 and posted in Features

Not Everyone Loves Thor: Ragnarok

You can't please everyone.

Down a gravel road near Annandale, MN lies the Sturlgard family home. For five generations, the Sturlgards have made their living in the area and at a glance, they look and act like your average Minnesotan family. Except for one key difference:

The Sturlgards practice asatro.

Or, as the family patriarch, Marc Sturlgard, calls it, "the Old Ways."

The Sturlgards believe and follow the belief that the old Nordic gods and myths are real. They make traditional sacrifices and celebrate traditional festivals. "We do as best we can with what remains," proclaimed Marc, "My family worshipped in secret for a long time. Until some time in the sixties, we all pretended to be Lutherans. It was my dad who decided not to hide behind false pretenses."

His wife's family joined soon after Marc's went "public."

"My parents were hippies and my dad in particular liked the idea of the Norse gods," explained Laura Sturlgard, Marc's wife. "Don't tell Marc this because it's a real sticking point but my dad was really into Marvel comics. Like I said: he was really counter-culture. I think it was when he realized that Marvel's Thor and the real Thor weren't the same... that's when he decided to return to the Presbyterian Church. But I was with Marc by then so I stayed."

Marvel's Thor has bothered Marc for decades but it wasn't until the movies came out that his anger was fully realized.

"Back in the seventies and eighties, we'd have maroons come by every so often who had read some comic trash and decided they wanted to worship Thor. It was always disappointing. Now that this fake Thor is in movies, we get three or four people a year. They never stay and they always have their heads filled with the wrong thoughts."

But it isn't just an influx of annoying worshippers that bothers Marc.

"The portrayal is ALL WRONG!" groused Sturlgard. "Thor isn't some blonde pretty boy! He's got rich red hair! And he's not some tights-wearing super-hero. He's an ancient Aesir and deserves your fear and respect! You're a Christian, right? How would you like it if they made Jesus into a super-hero?"

"Would he be an Avenger?"

"Um... whatever. Sure."

"That would be awesome."

"Even if they got all the details wrong? What if the Jesus they showed on screen differed from how he's supposed to be?"

"Well, to be fair, Christians have done a fair bit of misrepresenting themselves."

christpreaching.pngSPOILERS: Not a white dude and 95% more Jewish than you expect.

Marc returned to his point.

"The point is, my faith is being tested with every Thor movie. With every Avengers movie! And it's not just Thor. Look at Loki! He's not Odin's kid and he's not Thor's brother! He's Odin's blood brother! The whole thing is wrong!"

For a moment, Marc Sturlgard fumed silently. Then, he closed his eyes and said in an even tone, "And don't get me started on Thor: The Dark World. That movie just sucked."

There are no easy answers for the Sturlgards. It's likely that Marvel's Thor will continue to grace the silver screen and comics, providing all number of marketing blitzes to mash images of a blonde Thor within Marc's range of vision. All the Sturlgards can do is keep to the Old Ways and hope that the real Thor returns to correct this grievous error.

Thor: Ragnarok opens in theaters tonight. Jesus joining the Avengers only happens in my dreams.

I would buy this comic.


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About the Author - SuperginraiX

SuperginraiX is the biggest sap on The Outhousers' payroll (wait, we get paid?). He reads every issue of every crappy Marvel crossover so you don't have to. Whats worse is that he pays for his books, thus condoning Marvel's behavior. If The Outhouse cared for his well being at all, they'd try and get him into some sort of rehab center. But, alas, none of us even know how to say his name. For a good time, ask Super why Captian America jumped off the Helicarrier in Fear Itself. Super lives in the frozen wastland that is Minnesota with 15% of the state's population living under his roof: a wife he makes wear an Optimus Prime mask, two gremlins, and his mother-in-law.


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